THEY KILLED MY SISTER.....

"EVEN THOUGH IT BREAKS MY HEART TO LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE IN THAT PLACE, I KNOW IT IS FOR HER."


THOSE WERE THE WORDS IN MY MOTHERS LAST TEXT MESSAGE, JUST BEFORE I WENT HOME. SHE TURNED OVER THE CARE OF MY SISTER TO NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER OF FAIRLANE STREET, WEST FAIRVIEW Q.C. SHE CAME IN AS A DISPIRITED, DEPRESSED AND MENTALLY FRAIL INDIVIDUAL, WITH HER PERSONAL CONSENT, IN ONE OF THOSE RARE MOMENTS OF SHARP LUCIDITY. THAT SHE MAY LIVE NORMALLY ONCE AGAIN. SHE LOOKED THEN OF THE SHARPEST CONTRAST TO WHAT SHE WAS BEFORE HER ILLNESS SET IN: A V IBRANT, ZESTFUL AND FUN LOVING INDIVIDUAL. SOMEONE WHO LIVES LIFE TO THE FULLEST, EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS HER LAST. BUT NEVERTHELESS, SHE CAME IN ALIVE AND BREATHING. SHE CAME INSIDE WITH HOPE THAT IT WILL PASS, THAT SHE CAN THINK STRAIGHT ONCE AGAIN, THAT SHE MAY LOVE FULLY ONCE MORE, THAT SHE MAY KNOW AND LIVE LIFE AS BEAUTIFULLY AS SHE DID BEFORE.




















BUT SHE CAME OUT VERY, VERY DEAD. UNTIL NOW THE TRUE CIRCUMSTANCES OF WHAT HAPPENED IS DENIED US. WE ARE ONLY LEFT WITH MIND NUMBING DOUBTS, WITH THE HEART CRUSHING PAIN OF KNOWING THERE IS AN UNKNOWN THAT OUR HEARTS YEARN- BUT CANNOT REACH. AND THIS SMALL PIECE ON A NEWSPAPER, WHICH WAS CONCLUDED WITH THIS WORDS: PATULOY ANG IMBESTIGASYON NG MGA AWTORIDAD SA NASABING INSIDENTE KUNG MAY NAGANAP NGANG FOULPLAY (THE INVESTIGATION OF AUTHORITIES CONTINUES TO DETERMINE IS THERE IS FOUL PLAY).





















BUT NO MORE. THE TIME FOR WAITING HAS LONG SINCE PASSED. I WILL TRY TO RELATE HERE AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD, THE ACCOUNTS OF WHAT HAPPENED (WHAT WE KNOW OF AT LEAST). EARLY JUNE: MY SISTER SHOWED SIGNS OF A RELAPSE OF HER PREVIOUS PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS, SHE EXPERIENCED AGAIN THE SYMPTOMS 2 YEARS AGO WHICH PROMPTED OUR FAMILY TO ADMIT HER TO AN INSTITUTION THEN. AFTER WHICH SHE CAME OUT AND WAS ABLE AND WELL AGAIN, WITH THE HELP OF ANTI DEPRESSANTS AND MOOD STABILIZERS. MY MOTHER ONCE AGAIN CONTACTED HER PSYCHIATRIST, BY THE NAME OF

DR. JAY MADELON CARCERENY

BY TELEPHONE CONVERSATION, SHE RELATED THE BEST SHE COULD MY SISTER'S CONDITION. THE DOCTOR ADVISED HER SINCE THE SYMPTOMS WERE WORSE NOW THAN BEFORE, THAT SHE MIGHT NEED TO BE ADMITTED AGAIN, A SCENARIO THAT EVERY LOVING PARENT DREADS FOR THEIR CHILD, THE LAST RESORT ONE CARING MOTHER CAN EVER CONSIDER. MY MOTHER DID NOT DECIDE THEN AND THEN TO DO SO, THAT MAYBE CONSULTATIONS MAY YET HELP. SO MY MOTHER TOOK MY SISTER TO HER PSYCHIATRIST'S CLINIC AT ALABANG TOWN PROPER MALL. MY SISTER HAD HER SERIES OF CHECK UPS FROM THE 9TH OF JUNE TO THE 13TH. SHE WAS GIVEN MEDICATIONS. SHE WAS GIVEN THE CONTACT DETAILS TO

VINCENT GONZALES,


WHO MY MOM DESCRIBED AS A SOFT SPOKEN, HANDSOME FELLOW. IT WAS HIM WHO RUNS NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER. MY MOTHER THEN BROUGHT MY SISTER HOME, AND TOOK CARE OF HER AS ONE HEART ATTACK SURVIVOR MOTHER POSSIBLY COULD. THERE WAS A NOTICABLE IMPROVEMENT, MY SISTER WAS STARTING TO BE WELL AGAIN. MY MOTHER CONTINUED HER CONTACT WITH THE DOCTOR. MEDICINES ARE SENT BY PARCEL OF WHICH MY MOTHER PAID DIRECT TO HER ACCOUNTS. SO IT WENT UNTIL A TIME WHEN SHE WORSENED AGAIN THE THIRD WEEK OF JULY. SHE INFORMED THE DR IMMEDIATELY OF THIS, OF WHICH THE LATTER PROFESSIONALLY ADVISED THAT SHE BE MONITORED CLOSELY AND IF UNABLE TO BE HANDLED AGAIN HAVE HER ADMITTED AS SOON AS THEY POSSIBLY COULD. SO IT WAS THE NIGHT OF THE 27TH WHEN MY MOTHER CALLED VINCENT AGAIN AND ASKED IF THEY COULD ARRANGE MY SISTERS ADMISSION.


TWAS THE FAITHFUL DAY OF JULY 28 WHEN MY MOTHER, IN A HIRED VAN, WEARY OF HEART AND ASSAILED BY SADNESS, BROUGHT HER. MY SISTER WAS LUCID ONE MOMENT AND TOLD HER IT WOULD BE FOR THE BEST AND SHE IS WILLING NOW. BECAUSE SHE IS HOPING. SHE WAS IN THE SAME SPIRIT AS WHEN SHE WAS FIRST ADMITTED, CRYING BUT SERENE AND SHE GRASPED MY MOTHER'S HAND AND TOLD HER: "MA KAYA NATIN TO, KAYA NGA NATIN NUNG UNA, KAKAYANIN ULI NATIN NGAYON (MA, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS, IF WE MADE IT THEN WE CAN MAKE IT AGAIN." YOU SEE, THE TRAUMA OF SEEING MY MOTHER THEN AS HER HEART WAS FAILING HER 3 YEARS AGO, WITH NEEDLE RIDDEN ARMS AND VITAL MONITORS ATTACHED, LED HER TO FEAR SHE MIGHT SOON BE GONE. AND WHEN SHE SURVIVED, THAT THE NEXT HEART ATTACK WILL BE THE FINAL ONE.




















MY SISTER LOVED MY MOTHER AWFULLY. AND WHEN SHE SAID THOSE WORDS, MY MOTHER KNEW THAT LIKE HER, MY SISTER WOULD FIGHT HER DEMONS, WOULD DO HER BEST TO EMERGE HEALED AGAIN. WOULD COME OUT FROM WHERE SHE WOULD STAY FOR "PROFESSIONAL CARE," WELL AND ABLE AGAIN. SANE AND MENTALLY STABLE ONCE ONCE MORE. BUT LIFE AS WE KNOW IT, IS OFT UNPREDICTABLE, AND WHEN TRAGIC- SOUL WRENCHINGLY SO....


THAT DAY, VINCENT SHOWED HER AROUND FIRST. SHE ASSURED MY MOTHER THAT:


- MY SISTER WOULD STAY IN A ROOM TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER PATIENT. THAT SHE WON'T BE LEFT ALONE AND BE WATCHED AT ALL TIMES. - THAT IF NEEDED TO BE ISOLATED, SHE WOULD BE STAYING IN A FULLY PADDED ROOM, AND PROCEEDED SHOWING MY MOTHER THIS VERY ROOM. AND MY MOTHER SAW THAT INDEED IT WAS WELL PADDED, THAT WHOEVER MIGHT BE KEPT THERE WILL BE PREVENTED FROM DOING HERSELF OR HIMSELF ANY HARM.


SO IT WAS THAT SHE HAD TO PAY, FOR IT WAS A PRIVATE INSTITUTION SUPPOSEDLY WAY BETTER THAN PUBLIC ONES. WHERE SHE MAY HAVE THE BEST OF CARE THAT HARD EARNED MONEY COULD POSSIBLY GIVE. MY MONEY!!! SO FOR HER INITIAL DEPOSIT THEY ISSUED HER THIS:

A MERE CASH VOUCHER. NOT A RECEIPT... MY UNEDUCATED MOTHER, DISTRAUGHT AND FEELING SO LONELY, DID NOT PAY THIS MUCH MORE ATTENTION AS IT SHOULD WARRANT. HER DAUGHTER WAS SICK. HER DAUGHTER NEEDED HELP. SHE NEEDED TO SEE HER DAUGHTER WELL. SHE WAS TROUBLED TO THE EXTREME. SHE ACCEPTED IT WITHOUT FURTHER QUESTIONS, ASSURING VINCENT THAT SHE WOULD PAY THE REST LATER ON, AS SOON AS I COULD SEND HER THE MONEY SHE NEEDS.... A MERE CASH VOUCHER.


WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

IS IT NOT A BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT?

DOES ITS RECEIPTS NOT NEED DETAILS AS BEFITS A BUSINESS INSTITUTION? LETTERHEAD PERHAPS? REGISTRATION NUMBER? THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST IN THE SERIES OF TROUBLING QUESTIONS THAT TEARS MY LOGIC APART. I AM NOT A BUSINESSMAN, BUT SURELY I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH RECEIPTS IN MY LIFE TO KNOW AN OFFICIAL ONE. WHY ISSUE A VOUCHER AND NOT A RECEIPT?

DO THEY EVEN HAVE A LICENSE TO OPERATE?

IT IS THESE VERY SAME QUESTIONS I WILL LEAVE TO YOU FOR KNOW. MYSTERIOUS. TROUBLING. SO MY MOTHER AND COMPANY LEFT, LEAVING MY SISTER ALONE, WITH A FEELING IN HER HEART THAT SHE HAS GIVEN HER TO THE CARE OF MORE CAPABLE HANDS THAN HERS. PROFESSIONAL AND ABLE WORKERS IN CARING FOR THE MENTALLY DISTURBED.

TWAS RIGHT AFTER THEN THAT SHE SENT THAT TEXT MESSAGE AT THE VERY BEGINNING TO ME.


"KAHIT ANG SAKIT SA LOOB NA IWAN C JOAN PARA RIN UN SA KANYA " "EVEN THOUGH IT BREAKS MY HEART TO LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE IN THAT PLACE, I KNOW IT IS FOR HER."

WE RUE SOME DAYS. BUT THERE ARE TIMES WE WISHED HAS NEVER SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY AT ALL.

SO RIGHT AFTER ARRIVING BACK TO OLONGAPO, FROM THE EXHAUSTING HOMEBOUND BUT SULLEN TRIP, AS STUBBORN AS SHE WAS- SHE CONTACTED THIS VINCENT IMMEDIATELY, ASKING OF HER DAUGHTER LEFT ALONE IN A PLACE WHOSE MANY OCCUPANTS' BRAINS DOES NOT FUNCTION AS IT NORMALLY SHOULD. WHERE THE DRUGS TO KEEP STABLE WHIRLWIND AND TROUBLED MINDS ARE FAITHFULLY ADMINISTERED TO THE ONES IN NEED.

"ETO NGA MAY DISTURBANCES PA SYA AT NAGBAGSAK PA NGA NG PINTO.' (SHE STILL SUFFERS FROM DISTURBANCES AND SLAMMED A DOOR ONCE)- VINCENT

29- JULY

AM: WALA PA RING TULOG, TROUBLED PA RIN PO AT MAINGAY (SHE STILL HASN'T SLEPT YET, STILL TROUBLED AND NOISY)

30- JULY

AM: VINCENT SENDS A TEXT MESSAGE TO MY MOTHER: "MA'AM, YUN PONG MGA DAMIT NI JOAN MASYADONG SEDUCTIVE!

" (MA'AM, JOAN'S CLOTHES ARE QUITE SEDUCTIVE.) THIS PROMPTED MY MOTHER TO CALL BACK! ON THE MATTER, VINCENT EXPLAINED THAT MY SISTER'S SPAGHETTI STRAPPED BLOUSES ARE SEDUCTIVE.

AND THAT WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO ISSUE HER WHITE SHIRTS?, OF WHICH MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY AGREED TO AND TO JUST PUT ON HER ACCOUNT.

SEDUCTIVE?

WHAT THE HELL?


WHAT THE FUCK?
















BUT THEN AGAIN, MY MOTHER TOOK THIS IN STRIDE. SHE HERSELF PACKED MY SISTER'S CLOTHES, TAKING OUT THE MINI SHORTS AND GAVE HER PAJAMAS INSTEAD. AND THAT YES SHE MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE UPPER GARMENTS, BORNE PERHAPS FROM HER FAMILIARITY WITH JOAN LOVING TO WEAR SUCH ITEMS. BUT THERE REMAINED IN HER MIND THAT NAGGING THOUGHT. THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE COME AMISS. WHAT COULD VINCENT HAVE MEANT? WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN THE MESSAGE BETWEEN THE LINES COULD IT BE THAT SOMEONE, OR MORE APTLY, "SOMETHING," TOOK A WICKED NOTE OF THIS "SEDUCTIVITY?"


BUT STILL MY MOTHER WAS COMFORTED. THIS AFTER TELLING HER THAT AT THAT TIME, JOAN WAS FINALLY ASLEEP FOR QUITE AWHILE. THAT SHE WAS OK NOW REST WISE... AROUND NOON MY MOTHER INQUIRED OF HER DAUGHTER AGAIN: "OK NA PO SIYA NGAYON. GALITIN NGA PO EH." (SHE'S OK AT THE MOMENT, FEISTY EVEN)- VINCENT WHICH PROMPTED A SMILE ON MY MOTHER'S FACE, KNOWING FULL WELL HOW "SUNGIT" MY SISTER COULD BE.










SHE WAS A MOTHER!!!

31- JULY- 2009 PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND VINCENT: THE GIST WAS MY SISTER'S REST AND SLEEP IS NOW OK BUT STILL THERE ARE SOME HALLUCINATIONS. MY MOTHER ASKS IF SHE STILL CRIES SPONTANEOUSLY, VINCENT SAID NOT ANYMORE.


01- AUG- 2009 TEXT MESSAGE: GIST WAS JOAN SLEPT WELL, SAME AS FOR THAT NIGHT.


02- AUG- 2009 PHONE CONVERSATION: GIST WAS THERE WAS A BIG IMPROVEMENT ON MY SISTER. SHE EVEN TOLD A STORY THAT VINCENT WAS ALIKE IN MANY WAYS WITH OUR UNCLE WHO WORKS IN THE US. AND EVEN KIDDED HIM OF BOYFRIENDS AND OTHER GAY MATTERS.


03- AUG- 2009 MY MOTHER WAS AWOKEN BY AN EARLY MORNING CALL. A DREAD SENSE OF FOREBODING CREPT INTO HER SOUL WHEN SHE SAW THE SCREEN OF HER CELL PHONE, FROM WHOM THE CALL WAS COMING FROM: DR. JAY MADELON CARCERENY

AND SO THIS FOULEST OF DAY IN MY FAMILY'S EXISTENCE BEGAN, WITH THE PSYCHIATRIST ON ONE LINE TELLING A MOTHER THAT HER DAUGHTER WAS FOUND DEAD. THAT SHE HANGED HERSELF AND COULD NOT GIVE ANY DETAILS ANYMORE. SHE CURSED THE SHRINK, AS THE ACCUSATORY IMPULSES OF A GRIEVING HYSTERICAL MOTHER WHO NEEDS A CHANNEL KICKS IN. AND WHO BETTER TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END THAN THE VERY SAME DOCTOR WHO RECOMMENDED HER DAUGHTER BE COMMITTED TO A PLACE WHERE SHE DIED NOT EVEN A WEEK AFTER GOING IN.


SO MY FAMILY- UNCLES, AUNT, COUSINS- EVEN MY FATHER WHO MOTHER IS SEPARATED WITH, TOGETHER WITH HIS NEW FAMILY- JOINED TOGETHER. WHERE HEARTS CAME TO BE ONE IN GRIEF AND HELD EACH OTHER ALL THROUGHOUT. BUT THE REST OF THE TROUBLING SEQUENCE OF EVENTS IS YET TO COME. THE STORIES TO LATER FOLLOW ARE ALL FIRST HAND ACCOUNT FROM INTERVIEWS I CONDUCTED WITH MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS. FOR TILL THIS TIME, I WAS STILL NOT YET HOME. I WAS STILL ONBOARD, UNAWARE BUT IN A MYSTERIOUS SENSE (DETAILS OF WHICH I WILL FOLLOW LATER) AWARE!!!


MY AUNTIE WHO WAS MANILA BASED WENT WITH MY COUSIN TO NEWMAN HUMAN CARE. FROM THERE, THEY WERE THEN TOLD TO GO TO PRECINT 10 OF THE QUEZON CITY POLICE. AT THE PRECINT, THEY WERE INFORMED THAT MY SISTER IS ALREADY TURNED OVER TO SAN RAFAEL FUNERAL HOMES, OWNED BY ROCELLE CRUZ AND LOCATED AT 62-B ROAD 3 PROJ 6 Q.C.


MY MOTHER WITH THE HELP OF RELATIVES WAS ON THEIR WAY, TRANSPORTED BY BALUYOT FUNERAL HOMES, A LOCAL AREA FUNERAL SERVICE PROVIDER TOGETHER WITH A DRIVER-CUM-REPRESENTATIVE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED. THEY RENDESVOUZED BEFORE NOON. THEY ASKED FOR MY SISTER'S BODY. TO SEE IT WHOLE FOR THE LAST TIME. TO IDENTIFY THEIR DEARLY BELOVED.


MY MOTHER WAS IN HYSTERICS AND IN HER CRYING OUT WISHING TO SEE HER DAUGHTER "INTACT." THEY WERE LED INTO CIRCLES, TOLD THAT THE BODY WAS HERE AND THERE, GIVEN VAGUE DIRECTIONS, UNSPECIFIED LOCATIONS.


ROCELLE MET THEM THERE. MY SISTER WILL BE AUTOPSIED NOW SHE SAYS, SOMEBODY ALREADY GAVE PERMISSION TO PROCEED. WHICH ELICITED MY MOTHER'S WRATHFUL CRY OF "WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO SO, I AM THE MOTHER." THIS PERKED UP THE PROPRIETRESS, TURNING HER MOOD BRISK, BUSINESSLIKE, GLIB AND ACCOMMODATING BUT VAGUE. SHOWING MY MOTHER INSIDE AN AIRCONDITIONED OFFICE ROOM, CALMING HER, LED HER TO LINES OF CASKETS AND ASKED TO CHOOSE, ALL THE TIME SEEMINGLY SYMPATHETIC.


OUTSIDE IT WAS A DIFFERENT CASE, MY AUNTIES AND COUSINS, MY SISTER'S LIVE-IN PARTNER AND HALF BROTHER, WAS STILL LOOKING FOR THE BODY. THEY WERE LED TO CIRCLES, GIVEN VAGUE DIRECTIONS AND MISLEADING LOCATIONS. OVER THERE SIR, TURN THAT WAY- THAT BUILDING THERE ETC. MY AUNTIE WILL NOT FORGET THE GENERAL SENSE OF NORMALCY, BORDERING ON GAIETY AMONGST THE EMPLOYEES OF SAID FUNERAL HOME. MOST OF THEM WERE GOING ABOUT EVEN LAUGHING OR JOKING WITH EACH OTHER SHE SAYS.


THEY WERE NOT AWARE OF THEIR RIGHTS. WHEN ROCELLE TOLD THEM IN A FIRM AND AUTHORITATIVE WAY THAT THEY WOULD CONDUCT THE SERVICE, TRANSPORT AND EVERYTHING TO OLONGAPO, THEY DEMANDED IT SHOULD BE THE LOCAL SERVICE PROVIDER. BUT ROCELLE INSISTED IT WAS TO BE SO. THE DRIVER-REPRESENTATIVE TOLD IT WAS NOT SO. THAT THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR SERVICE PROVIDER.


SOMEBODY ASKED THE DRIVER/REPRESENTATIVE OF BALUYOT THEIR OFFICE'S NUMBER. SOMEBODY CALLED THE FUNERAL HOME PRETENDING TO BE MY MOTHER, TELLING THEM THEY MAY ASK THEIR REPRESENTATIVE TO GO HOME NOW. AND SO HE WENT, LEAVING THE REST TO THE INSISTENCE OF SAN RAFAEL THAT BEING FIRST ON THE SCENE, THEY ARE THE ONES AUTHORIZED SO.


APPARENTLY, IT WAS MY HALF BROTHER WHO SIGNED A PAPER AUTHORIZING THE AUTOPSY. THEY TOOK HIM FOR HIS WORD THAT HE WAS THE BROTHER AND PROCEEDED SO, NOT EVEN ASKING FOR IDENTIFICATION PAPERS. MY BROTHER CANCELLED SAID PAPER TOO, THREW IT ON THE GARBAGE BIN WHEN ADVISED TO DO SO BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS WAILING FOR A CHANCE TO STILL SEE MY SISTER'S BODY WHOLE.

THEY WAITED AND WAITED.

"JOAN WHERE ARE YOU?"

THAT WAS THEIR MOURNFUL WAIL. THAT WAS THEIR UNANSWERED CRY. AND IT WENT ON FOR 8 MORE HOURS FOR IT WAS AFTER 8 PM WHEN MY SISTER, CLAD AND FULLY WRAPPED, INSIDE A CASKET, SEEMINGLY PEACEFUL BUT INSPIRING NO PEACE OF MIND WAS WHEELED IN.

"JOAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

IT WAS NOW A DIRGE. WAILED ALL OVER AGAIN, THEY WERE A GAGGLE OF UNEDUCATED ADULTS IN HYSTERICS AND CRIES, COUSINS AND A LOVER IN DISTRESS. FACED ONLY WITH THE SORROWS AND TAKING SMALL COMFORT ONLY ON LAMENTS AND MOANS AND ENDLESS TEARS. FACING AN UNKNOWN OF LONELINESS WHOSE MYSTERY LEAVES THEIR EMOTIONAL BEARINGS REELING.

THEY BROUGHT HER HOME. STARTED THE WAKE. FRIENDS WHO HEARD NEARLY FAINTED. FOR HOW COULD SOMEONE SO FULL OF LIFE BE DEAD NOW? SHE WAS KIND. SHE WAS LOVED BY MANY, MANY FRIENDS. SHE WAS EXCEPTIONAL FOR HER READY LAUGH AND ZEST FOR LIFE, EXUBERANT GREETINGS TO THOSE SHE KNEW AND HER SYMPATHY TO THE LONELY AND BROKEN-HEARTED.


SHE LIVED A SOCIAL LIFE WHERE FRIENDS GRAVITATED AND ATTACHED ITSELF TO HER READILY. SHE WAS MY SISTER. SO THEY MOURNED. SO THEY HELD THEIR WAKE, TOGETHER IN GRIEF AND ASSAILED BY QUESTIONS OF WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG, OF WHEN MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LIFE WENT AWRY AS TO PUSH SOMEONE LIKE MY SISTER TO THE TAKE HER OWN LIFE. THERE ARE REMEMBRANCES, AND ANECDOTE HERE, A STORY THERE. BITS AND PIECES OF A LIFE LIVED, AND IS NOW FINALLY EXTINGUISHED. BUT THEIR SORROW CHANGED TO ANGER AND INDIGNATION. TO FURY AND WRATH. WHEN THEY DECIDED TO CHANGE MY SISTER'S CLOTHES FOR HER FINAL FAREWELL PARTY. THEY WERE ASSISTED BY FUNERAL MEN, BUT THEY SAW IN THEIR OWN EYES WHAT LOOKED LIKE BRUISES AND MARKS, IMPOSSIBLE THAT IN SUCH AWKWARD PLACES AND SEVERITY TO BE SELF INFLICTED









RIGHT LEG









LEFT LEG











FRONT UPPER TORSO











LEFT UPPER SHOULDER AND NECK











RIGHT LEG














FACE (BUMP?)











LEFT LEG










GROIN












UPPER TORSO












RIGHT HANDS












RIGHT ARM












RIGHT NECK AREA( WHERE IS THE HANGING MARKS?)


(WHAT ARE THESE MARKS UPON MY SISTER'S BODY??? I AM NOT IN ANY POSITION TO MAKE A CONCLUSION, I CAN ONLY ASK AND CRY OUT FOR THE FRAILTY OF LIFE AND ITS CORPOREAL VESSEL. THE POLICE AUTOPSY, TEN DAYS BY NOW AND STILL NOT IN OUR HANDS. PCI MAMERTO BERNABE JR, MD AND CSEE CONDUCTED IT AND THE FINAL REPORT STILL NEEDS TO PASS THROUGH CHANNELS. AND SO I MUST ACT. AND SO THIS BLOG MUST BE BORN)



ANGER, INDIGNATION, FURY AND WRATH. INDEED THESE PHOTOS INVOKED IT SO. MY LONELY WAY FROM A CONNECTING FLIGHT WHERE I HEARD THE NEWS UP THE TIME I SET FOOT HOME WAS HEAVY AND DOWNCAST AND SORROWFUL. BUT NOT ANYMORE. WHEN I SAW THESE I KNEW I NEEDED TO ACT, I NEEDED TO FIGHT. RATIONALITY TOOK CONTROL, 4 YEARS OF ACADEMY TRAINING KICKED IN. I AM NOW MORE THAN ANYTIME IN MY LIFE, RATIONAL AMIDST DURESS AND GRIEF, CALM UNDER PRESSURE. ICE COLD, I WILL NOT BE ACCUSATORY, ONLY EFFICIENT AND SHARP. I HAVE NOW TAKEN OVER FROM THE GRIEVING ADULTS, THEY SEEMED SO UNSURE.


CONTINUATION..... 3 DAYS AFTER, THEY WENT TO NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER OF FAIRLANE STREET, WEST FAIRVIEW Q.C A GENERAL SENSE OF UNEASE IS EVIDENT AND MANIFEST ON EVERY EMPLOYEE. THEY ARE HESITANT IN HANDLING BACK JOAN'S THINGS. THEY ARE NOT COOPERATIVE. THEY SAID THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK WHEN QUESTIONS WERE POSED. THERE WAS A VISIBLE TREMBLE ON THE HANDS OF ONE EMPLOYEE AS HE TEXTED TO CONTACT VINCENT GONZALES, ADMINISTRATOR. VINCENT WAS FIRST BUYING SOMETHING, WILL BE COMING SHORTLY. THE NEXT TIME VINCENT WAS ALREADY IN MARIKINA IN SOME BUSINESS OR SOMETHING. THEY ASKED FOR THE CERTIFICATE OF CONFINEMENT, THEIR REASONS ARE VARIED. VINCENT HAS THE FILES, THE FILES ARE MISSING.


THERE ARE RENOVATIONS BEING MADE TO THE PLACE.


MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND TALKED TO THE LAUNDRYWOMAN. SHE SAID JOAN WAS A SWEET GIRL AND COULDN'T BELIEVE IN THE SHORT TIME SHE HAS KNOWN HER THAT SHE WAS CAPABLE OF DOING SUCH A THING.

WHO IS JOAN STAYING WITH IN THE ROOM?( MAYBE THEY CAN ASK THAT PERSON. JOAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SCARED OF SLEEPING ALONE.)

SHE HAS NO COMPANY, SHE STAYS ALONE IN ONE ROOM.

REALLY?

YES SHE ANSWERS BACK.

HE TOOK THIS ANSWER WIDE EYED. THIS WAS NOT THE ARRANGEMENT PROMISED BY VINCENT FOR MY SISTER'S STAY AFTER ALL. WHEN CONFUSION AND DOUBT PLASTERED HIS FACE AS TO THAT REVEALED DETAIL, SHE WAS SUDDENLY UNSURE AND DIDN'T KNOW, COULD NOT REALLY REMEMBER. DROPPED THE CONVERSATION, SLUNK AWAY AND WAS SUDDENLY VERY BUSY.



THEY WAITED FOR HOURS AND STILL VINCENT DID NOT COME. SO THEY WENT BACK HOME. THERE IS SOMETHING ROTTEN GOING ON TO COVER THIS UP. UNTIL NOW WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM VINCENT. NOR FROM ANY REPRESENTATIVE WHATSOEVER FROM NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER OF FAIRLANE STREET, WEST FAIRVIEW Q.C. UNTIL NOW WE ARE LEFT ONLY WITH THE MIND NUMBING WHAT IFS, THE PAIN OF GAZING AT A FACE BELONGING TO SOMEONE WHO WHEN ONCE SHE BREATHED WAS FULL OF LUSTER AND GAIETY AND THE VIBRANCY OF LIFE WELL LIVED TO THE FULLEST... SOMEONE WHO HAS ALSO WEATHERED SO MANY STORMS AND TURBULENCE OF LIFE. SOMEONE WHO WAS LOVED AND WHO LOVED SO MUCH IN RETURN....


LAST SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, ROCELLE CRUZ CAME TO OUR HOUSE. IT CANNOT BE HELPED THAT MOST OF MY ELDERS VENTED THEIR ANGER TOWARDS HER. BUT SHE TOOK THIS PROFESSIONALY. THERE MAYBE A MORE APPROPRIATE WORD, BUT "GRILLED" IS WHAT COMES TO MIND. WE ASKED HER AS BEST SHE COULD RECOUNT THE SERIES OF EVENTS OF THE DAY MY SISTER DIED. THIS IS THE GIST OF OUR CONVERSATION:

0400 AM- THEY ARRIVED AT NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER OF FAIRLANE STREET, WEST FAIRVIEW Q.C STANDING BY FOR THE EVENTUAL CUSTODY OF THE BODY. THEY WERE INFORMED FIRST OF THE EVENT. MY FAMILY DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING UNTIL 0600 OF THAT SAME DAY.

0400-0500 PROBABLE TIME OF SOCO INVESTIGATION, CONDUCTED BY POLICE PRECINT 10


0600- THEY TOOK MY SISTER'S BODY TO THEIR MORGUE


0900- THE FIRST OF MY RELATIVES ARRIVES AT THE FUNERAL HOME SHE OWNS.


1100- BY SOME WAY OR ANOTHER, DUBIOUS OR OTHERWISE, THEY HAD MY BROTHER'S SIGNATURE TO CONDUCT THE AUTOPSY. MY BROTHER STILL INSISTS THAT WITH THE PRODDING OF ONE MORE OF MY AUNT, HE CANCELLED SAID FORM OF CONSENT AND THREW IT IN A GARBAGE BIN.


1200- PCI MAMERTO BERNABE JR, MD AND CSEE STARTED TO CONDUCT THE AUTOPSY. NO FAMILY MEMBER, NOT EVEN MY MOTHER HAS YET SEEN THE BODY.

1640- SOCO COMPLETED. STARTED EMBALMING MY SISTER.

2000- BODY RELEASED TO NEXT OF KIN. IN OUR CONVERSATION ALSO, SHE NARRATED THE FOLLOWING THINGS: - MY SISTER WAS FOUND ON THE BED. SHE WAS MOVED, THE PEOPLE FROM THE REHAB SAID, TO THAT POSITION. TAKEN OFF FROM THE ALLEGED BEDSHEET SHE USED TO HANG HERSELF. - IN A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOTHER, ROCELLE SAID THAT SHE APPROACHED THE ONE WHO CONDUCTED THE AUTOPSY. PCI MAMERTO BERNABE JR, MD AND CSEE TOLD HER: "ROCELLE MUKHANG MAY FOULPLAY. YUNG MGA PASA NYA SA KAMAY AT BRASO KASI NANGYARI BAGO SYA MAMATAY." (ROCELLE, THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A FOUL PLAY. THE MARKS ON HER ARMS AND HANDS HAPPENED BEFORE SHE DIED.)


MY MOTHER ASKED HER IF SHE WOULD BE WILLING TO TESTIFY ABOUT THAT CONVERSATION WHEN CALLED UPON, AND SHE SAID ANSWERED IN THE AFFIRMATIVE. SHE ALSO TOOK NOTE ON THE MARK ON MY SISTER'S FOREHEAD. I SECRETLY RECORDED THIS CONVERSATION USING MY CELLPHONE AND HAS MADE SEVERAL COPIES OF THAT "QUICKTIME" PLAYABLE AUDIO FILE. WHEN SHE PRESENTED US THE RECEIPT, WE WERE ALSO SURPRISED BY THE STAGGERING AMOUNT OF 120,000 FOR THEIR SERVICES.





















WE CANNOT HELP BUT RUE THIS FACT FOR THE FUNERAL HOME WHICH MY MOTHER BROUGHT TO MANILA AND SHOULD HAVE HANDLED MY SISTER WAS ONLY ASKING FOR A PACKAGE DEAL OF 40,000 PESOS. INITIALLY ALSO WHEN SHE AND MY MOTHER CONVERSED IN THEIR FUNERAL HOME, SHE TOLD MY MOTHER THAT NEWMAN HOME CARE AND REHABILITATION CENTER OF FAIRLANE STREET, WEST FAIRVIEW Q.C SHOULD PAY FOR THIS AS THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT HAPPENED INSIDE THEIR PRIVATE INSTITUTION. BUT IT APPEARED TO US THEN THAT WE MAY HAVE TO SHOULDER THIS EXPENSE AFTER ALL.

MY BUNKMATE FROM THE ACADEMY OFTEN USED TO SAY, "KAHIT BATANG MUSMOS ALAM NA MALI YAN." AND SO I WILL REPEAT IT HERE: EVEN A CHILD JUST OFF WEANING KNOWS THIS IS WRONG!! BUT TO HER CREDIT, I ADMIRE ROCELLE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO PERSONALLY SEE US AND SHEDDING AT LEAST A SLIVER OF LIGHT IN THE MURK THAT TROUBLES OUR VERY SOULS.

THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU WILL STANDBY ON YOUR WORD THAT YOU WILL DO SO STATE WHAT THE AUTOPSY DOCTOR TOLD YOU WHEN COMES THE TIME IT WILL BE NEEDED. FOR RECKONING WILL INDEED COME SOMEDAY, THIS WE SWEAR. YES, I KNOW THAT THE AUTOPSY IS ONLY A PART OF THE EVIDENCE, BUT KNOWING THAT THE ONE WHO CONDUCTED IT CONSIDERED SUCH A THING IS AN IMMENSE PIECE OF INFORMATION ON OUR BEHALF. IT EMBOLDENED US FURTHER TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.


10- AUG- 2009 MY FATHER AND STEPMOTHER TRIED TO PICK UP FROM MANILA THE RESULTS OF THE AUTOPSY AND INVESTIGATION REPORT. THE INVESTIGATOR, SPO2 DING REBANCOS TOLD THEM THE AUTOPSY IS STILL NOT COMPLETE. THEY CAN, HOWEVER, HAVE THE PICTURES OF THE CRIME SCENE. THERE WAS NINE IN ALL:





















1st POLICE picture (ABOVE)
THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE SHE WAS ALLEGEDLY KEPT IN ISOLATION. THE BEDSHEET IS HANGING ON THE SIDE. I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER HOW SHE MANAGED TO TIE THAT SHEET ABOVE THAT CEILING AND WHERE SHE STOOD BEFORE SHE HANGED HERSELF. IF SHE USED THE BED, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WHEN HER SURVIVAL MECHANISM NATURALLY KICKS IN, SHE ONLY NEEDS STEP BACK A FEW CENTIMETERS TO BRING HER FEET BACK TO SOLID SUPPORT.




















second POLICE picture (ABOVE)




















third POLICE picture (ABOVE)

LOOK AT THE NECK, WHERE ARE THE HANGING MARKS? THERE ARE ONLY TWO PICTURES OF THE FACIAL AREA, BOTH HIGHLIGHTING ONLY THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE FACE.

WHAT ABOUT THE LEFT SIDE? IS IT BECAUSE OF THIS (SEE BELOW):

















PHOTO TAKEN BY FAMILY

OBSERVE THE VERY NOTICEABLE BUMP ON HER LEFT FACE, WHY ISN'T MY BELOVED SISTER'S LEFT FACIAL AREA PHOTOGRAPHED IN THE CRIME SCENE? THAT IS ANOTHER MYSTERY TROUBLING
ME


.





















fourth POLICE picture (ABOVE)
MY SISTER LYING FACE DOWN fifth POLICE picture

















(ABOVE) MY SISTER SPRAWLED SIDEWISE. I WONDER WHY NO PHOTOS OF HER FRONTAL AREAS WERE RELEASED! IF YOU SEE THE PICTURES WHICH MY FAMILY TOOK (SEE ABOVE), ALMOST ALL OF THESE "BRUISES" AND "MARKS" ARE IN THE FRONT.



















sixth POLICE picture (ABOVE)

THE ENTRANCE TO THE "ISOLATION ROOM" WHERE SHE WAS ALLEGEDLY KEPT.















seventh POLICE picture (ABOVE) THIS ALLEGEDLY WAS THE BEAM WHERE SHE TIED THE BED SHEET. AND NOTICE HOW FIRMLY SHE TIED IT UP SO.






















eight picture (ABOVE) MY SISTER, FALLEN COLD AND DEAD!




















ninth picture (ABOVE) MY SISTERS PARTIAL LEFT SHOULDER AND EXPOSED NAPE, WHERE ARE THE HANGING MARKS?

ONLY 9 PICTURES.

NOTHING MORE!!!

ARE THESE PHOTOS ALL THAT WARRANTS TO MAKE THE NECESSARY INVESTIGATION???

WHATS'S WRONG HERE?

I FEEL THAT I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING NOW! I CAN FEEL MY SISTER WITH ME ALL THE WAY, AS I FACE THIS BATTLE AHEAD.

I AM STARTING WITH THIS BLOG. I HAVE PLANNED THIS BLOG FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME NOW. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WITTY, FUNNY AND ENDEARING. IT WOULD TELL STORIES OF HOW I LIVED A SEAFARER'S LIFE. IT WOULD BE HONEST AND SELF-DEPRECATING AND BOLD AT THE SAME TIME.


THAT IS WHY THERE ARE OTHER POSTS HERE. I WROTE THEM WHILE I WAS STILL ONBOARD, HOPING TO POST THEM WHEN FINALLY I HAVE THAT MOST ELUSIVE OF THINGS: TIME. WE DON'T HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION AT SEA, THE PORT STAYS WHERE SHORT. I IMAGINED HOW THEY WOULD APPEAR IN MY BLOG, WITH THE FONTAGE AND PICTURES AND OTHER STUFFS THAT WOULD INSPIRE PEOPLE TO FOLLOW IT UP. TO CONNECT WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND BLOGGERS. TO MEET FRIENDS.

BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE SO. THEY ARE POSTED HAPHAZARDLY HERE, FOR EXPIDIENCY IS NEEDED.

FOR MY POSTERITY'S SAKE.

FOR I FEAR THAT WHAT WE FACE HERE IS SOMETHING BIG.

SOMETHING POWERFUL SO AS TO FACILITATE MANY INCONSISTENCIES AND BOTCHED UP ATTEMPT TO HIDE THIS.

AND THEY MAY COME AFTER ME.

BUT I DO NOT FEAR THEM.

I STARED DEATH ONE TIME IN MY LIFE BEFORE. AN EVENT I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET. I KNEW THAT FEAR, THAT DREADFUL AWARENESS THAT THE END IS COMING. I WROTE OF THIS ALSO.

SEE MY NEXT BLOG AFTER THIS.

I FEARED IT THEN. EVENTS OF MY LIFE PASSED BEFORE MY EYES IN SPAN OF SECONDS.

BUT YET I LIVED.

AND NOW I AM FACING THIS, THIS FIGHT FOR MY SISTER.

THIS FIGHT FOR JUSTICE.

THIS FIGHT FOR TRUTH.

I KNOW I WILL NOT BE ALONE.

I CALL UPON MY FRIENDS, WHOEVER THE HANDS BEHIND THIS, KNOW THAT I TOO LIKE MY SISTER, AM LOVED BY MANY. I CALL YOU NOW IN THIS, MY MOMENT OF NEED.

I INVOKE THE LADY IN YELLOW, THE PATRON SAINT OF PEOPLE'S POWER. YOU WHO BROUGHT BACK OUR DEMOCRACY, SO THAT I MAY WRITE OF THIS, MY PLIGHT AND OF MY FIGHT. YOU WHO WAS INTERRED THE VERY DAY "SOMETHING" TOOK AWAY MY SISTER'S LIFE. INTERCEDE FOR US IN PRAYER FOR YOU ARE CLOSER NOW THAN EVER BEFORE TO THE BOSOM OF OUR MAKER. HEAR MY PLEA MADAM CORY, A TERRIBLE INJUSTICE WAS DONE THE VERY DAY YOU WERE FINALLY LAID TO REST. PRAY FOR US. THRU YOU, MAY GOD ANSWER OUR PRAYERS. BRING US THE MIRACLE WE NEED IN THIS FIGHT, THE MANIFESTATION OF YOUR SAINTLINESS.

I INVOKE THEE TOO ST JOAN OF ARC, YOU WHO ARE MY SISTER'S NAMESAKE. AS PATRONESS OF SOLDIERS, MAY YOU GUIDE THE PEOPLE IN UNIFORMS WHO WE WILL SOON INEVITABLY FACE. MAY YOU SHOW THEM THE MEANING OF HONOR, THE VIRTUE OF GENTLEMANLY COURAGE TO STAND UP FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE. MAY THEY NOT BE USED TO VILE ENDS BY THE CRIMINAL AND THE CORRUPT. MAY THEY LEARN TO STAND UP AND DISOBEY THE ORDERS OF THE WICKED. MAY THEY NOT BE A TOOL TO COVER UP THE MONSTROSITIES OF THE POWERFUL FEW.

I CALL UPON THE LONG BLUE LINE, ALUMNI OF THE PHILIPPINE MERCHANT MARINE ACADEMY. HEAR ME SIR! HEAR ME JUNIORS. A BUNKMATE IS IN DISTRESS. SPREAD OF MY FIGHT AND OF THE INJUSTICE COMMITTED TO YOUR BROTHER. STOUT FELLOW ALL, LEND ME YOUR STRENGTH SO THAT I WILL NOT FALTER BUT CONTINUE THIS FIGHT TO IT'S BITTER END. SO THAT I MAY HAVE SUCCESS AND GLORY, IN MY QUEST FOR JUSTICE, WHICH FROM NOW IS STILL NOT VISIBLE FROM THE HORIZON. PMMA HAIL TO THEE!!!

HEAR ME MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, MY COLLEAGUES AT SEA. TO THOSE WHO BELONGS TO THE ORDERS OF NEPTUNUS, TO THOSE WHO KNOW THE ROLLING OF DECKS WHICH FLOAT ABOVE THE SEA. HEAR ME SO THAT A SEAFARER NEED NOT GO HOME AND FACE AN UNJUST DEATH AND SO BE SORROWFUL. SPREAD OF THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL WHEN ONE MEETS DEATH AFTER A LONG TIME SAILING, FOR THE TIME OF SHORE LEAVE OF THOSE WHO GOES OUT TO SEA ARE SUPPOSED TO BE JOYOUS, NOT FILLED WITH GRIEF.

HEAR ME OH FOURTH ESTATE, WATCHDOG AND VIGILANT GUARDIANS AGAINST ABUSE AND HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS. HELP US IN THIS FIGHT. MAY IT BE KNOWN UPON THIS LAND ANOTHER CASE OF WANTON DISREGARD FOR LIFE. A LIFE SO DEARLY TREASURED BY MANY!



















HEAR ME MY ABDUCTORS OF 9 YEARS AGO, ONE DREARY NIGHT OF LATE 2001. HELP ME IN WHATEVER INFLUENCE AND WAY YOU CAN SO THAT THIS CASE, MY SISTER'S UNTIMELY AND UNJUST DEMISE, MAY BE ACCORDED THE RIGHTFUL JUSTICE IT SO DESERVES. RIGHT YOUR WRONG. HELP YOUR VICTIM AND IN SO DOING REDEEM BACK A PART OF YOUR WARRIOR'S ETHOS AND HONOR WHICH YOU LOST WITH WHAT YOU DID THAT TO ME THAT NIGHT. THIS I HUMBLY ASK YOU.




















HEAR ME GABRIELA, YOU WHO CHAMPION THE FILIPINO WOMAN'S HUMAN RIGHTS. BE WITH US IN THIS FIGHT, SO THAT NO MATTER HOW HIGH AND MIGHTY THE ONES BEHIND THIS, THAT THEY BE MADE ACCOUNTABLE TO WHAT THEY DID TO A FILIPINA WHOSE ONLY FAULT WAS TO WISH TO BE WELL AGAIN. A RIGHT EVERY WOMAN DESERVES. A RIGHT THEY VIOLATED WHEN UPON THEIR SUPPOSEDLY HEALING HANDS, A FRAIL LADY DIED INSTEAD. HEAR OF HOW LOVED SHE WAS. SHOUT OF HOW SHE LIVED AND HOW SHE MADE FRIENDS AND HOW SHE MUST HAVE PUT UP A FIGHT BEFORE THEY GOT WHAT THEY WANT. HEAR OF MY SISTER, A BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS WOMAN NOT UNLIKE ALL OF YOU!

















HEAR ME ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ALSO VICTIMS OF INJUSTICE, ALL YOU WHO KNEW AND LOVED SOMEONE WHO ALSO SUFFERED THE SAME FATE. YOU WHO CAN EMPATHIZE AND SYMPATHIZE WITH WHAT OUR HEARTS, MIND AND SOUL ARE GOING THRU NOW. HELP US TO HELP YOU KEEP THE TORCH OF THIS FIGHT FOR INJUSTICE BURNING.


















FOR NOW, I AM ALREADY TIRED AND WEARY. THE COUNTLESS SLEEPLESS NIGHTS HAS TAKEN ITS TOLL. I KNOW THE DETAILS HERE ARE NOT YET ENOUGH. THAT MANY MORE INFORMATION ARE NEEDED TO SWAY YOU TO BELIEVE US WHEN WE SAY WE FEEL SOMEBODY KILLED MY SISTER. SOMEBODY HIGH. SOMEBODY STRONG. IF NOT, THEN WHY ELSE THIS APPARENT COVER UP? HOW FAR DOES THEIR TENTACLES REACH???

















OUR BATTLECRY FOR THIS FIGHT WILL BE "JOAN OF OLONGAPO," AND UPON MY SISTER'S VIOLATED CORPUS, I SWEAR THAT I WILL DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER, WITHIN MY TALENT AND ELOQUENCE WHICH SHE SO ADMIRED, TO HELP BRING JUSTICE FOR HER DEATH.

FOR I AM NOW MY FALLEN SISTER'S CHAMPION.... HER KNIGHT.

SO HELP ME GOD!